In many immigrant families, there is already shame about expressing emotions. But then, you work through it enough to try to address difficult feelings. But nothing seems to work. Anxiety is especially guilt-inducing because it seems as though you should be able to control how worried you become about something. But what if we were to strip away the guilt, shame and judgmental thoughts about having emotions? It would create more room to examine why nothing is working.

Often, patients come in and they say, I’ve tried everything to calm anxiety but for some reason, nothing works. And what do I say? First, let’s put all that terrible judgment aside as best as possible. Once we do that, I take a closer look at two important things, technique and consistency.

So now, let’s go over some common problems with technique around three common anxiety reduction tools.

First, breathwork. You want to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Why does this matter? Because if you’re breathing in and out through your mouth, you’re actually taking in less oxygen and feeling more lighted-headed and anxious. You may even start to feel panicky.

Meditation. You wonder whether you’re doing it wrong, which gets in the way of allowing your mind to observe thoughts that are coming in. They can be scary, ugly, weird, silly, anxiety-provoking or boring, but whatever their nature, their just thoughts. See, judgment sneaks in even when we try to keep it at bay. But there isn’t a need to judge yourself on how you’re doing. If you’re sitting and taking the time to meditate, you’re doing it well.

Journaling. You may have been told to write down your anxious thoughts so that you can move them away from you. Or that writing out your thoughts can help you process them. But then you think, what should I write? If you go blank once you open up that journal, write about anything at all. Write about how you’re hungry or sleepy or have dishes to do. Write about how you’re bloated and annoyed. Write that you can’t think of anything to write about. Write down your grocery list. As you write random things, you’ll get to what’s underneath the surface. Take your time. You’ll get there.

Now, as far as all three, consistency is key. You may have tried one or all of these a few times here and there. But have you tried them consistently, every day for a couple weeks, a couple months? If you haven’t, try one for a month. See how that feels. Then you’ll have enough data to tweak the tool a bit. Technique and consistency bring results.

If you need some guidance around this, you might find Breathe and Release, a 12 month guided calming journal helpful. Go to the contact page and request more information.