Rules do not always mean safety. In fact, they can cause the very harm we’re trying to prevent. To be told to be dutiful provides boundaries, but do they exist to keep us safe or to lock us in and be more vulnerable to danger? Duty is a heavy word, sometimes a powerful thing that fills our hearts with honor and reinforces a sense of community. It is a parent’s duty to care for their child. Yet, this same word can then be used to imprison a woman to fulfill her wifely duties.

When raised in duty, it is difficult to know if it is the elixir or the poison. People just automatically follow what they’re taught. But somewhere along the way, there’s a separation between what we’re told and what we want. When these two are misaligned but we’re forced to comply, duty is becoming something unhealthy. It’s important to know the difference. Otherwise, we can be pushed into doing things we may not feel are the best for us. We can integrate this forced way of seeing the world and then require that others comply with these same controlling views.

You might sometimes wonder how whole groups of people agree with some scary notion of how things should be. A classic example is Margaret Atwood’s book, The Handmaid’s Tale. A society of people thought that controlling girls and women should become the norm. This society believed that it is a higher power’s will for females to be stripped of power and be used for whatever their delusions thought necessary.

This is why we must stay vigilant in understanding the difference between duty and trauma. The definition of a word, a concept, a law, how a human being is labeled, should not be taken lightly. Protection of self means protection of others.